Rin's New Year's Resolutions
by Kaiser Washington
Summary: With the Exorcist exam fast approaching, Rin has got to get his act together or else face execution. He decides to make a series of New Year's resolutions to help him get started. Rin/Shiemi, etc. One-shot.


Summary: With the Exorcist exam fast approaching, Rin has got to get his act together or else face execution. He decides to make a series of New Year's resolutions to help him get started. One-shot.

* * *

 **Rin's New Year Resolutions**

Rin was turning over a new leaf at Yukio's instance. His numerous close brushes with the gallows and being rejected by Shiemi had filled him with the solemn realization that he couldn't afford to flee in the face of responsibility anymore. Shiemi's face when she had said, "Why are you laughing, as if there's nothing strange about it?" shortly after discovering Rin's true nature still haunted him at night. Flippancy was a luxury he could ill afford—especially now that the Exorcist exam was around the corner.

"What do I do?" He banged his fists on his desk in exasperation, having realized for the first time that having a month and a half to prepare for the Exorcist exam meant exactly that. "I know I ought to get my act together, but I just don't know how. I've never done it before."

 _Maybe you could try sleeping it off?_ Kuro suggested unhelpfully.

"Look, Rin." Yukio adjusted his glasses stiffly. His pen had skidded diagonally across the surface of his homework at Rin's outburst, rendering it unfit to be turned in. "Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you might put pen to paper and come up with a plan. A month and a half is more than enough time to prepare for the exam, if you go about it correctly."

"'Put pen to paper'?" Rin looked at Yukio as if he had just uttered something in a demon tongue. "The fuck does that mean?"

"Make a to-do list. Sketch out a plan. Heck, make a New Year's resolution. You have to realize how precarious your situation is, Rin. If you fail the Exorcist exam, you will be executed. E-X-E-C-U-T-E-D. I swore to Father that I'd protect you no matter what, and it now seems I had no idea what I was gettng into. It isn't just about you anymore— Are you even listening to me?"

Rin's eyes had assumed a distant dreamy look.

"A New Year's resolution sounds fun, doesn't it, Kuro?"

 _Oh, yeah!_

"I'm going to make the best sukiyaki ever for Shiemi! And, of course, for you."

 _And I'm going to eat the best sukiyaki ever!_

"RIN." A vein throbbed in Yuki's temple. "Did you hear a word of what I just said?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Rin airily. "I'll be sure to include something about studying for the Exorcist exam and learning to control my flames better."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well, then write it down. Let me put it this way: This could be your last New Year's resolution ever."

This got through to Rin better than Yukio's earlier admonitions. A shadow came over his aspect as he contemplated never getting another chance to make a New Year's resolution.

"What's the matter, Rin?" said Kuro.

"I don't want to die," he croaked. "I want to live and make more New Year's resolutions."

For a moment Yukio regretted being so hard on his brother; then he remembered all the times Rin had taken advantage of others' forbearance and compassed to stick to his old ways, and stopped feeling bad.

He walked over to Rin's desk and slapped a piece of paper down in front of him.

"Write," he commanded.

Rin sighed and picked up a pencil.

"Rin's New Years Resolutions," he wrote at the head of the page.

"You missed an apostrophe," Yukio snapped.

"Oh!" Rin laughed sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Rin's New Years Resolution's," he corrected.

Yukio sighed. One battle at a time. He forced himself to refrain from critiquing Rin's grammar until after the exam. Growing up with Rin had taught him to keep his feelings bottled up, and he knew he had to find an outlet for his irritation before he exploded and did something unseemly. He made a mental note to read T. S. Eliot that evening as a way of assuaging his agitation.

Presently, Yukio's eyes returned to Rin's New Year's resolutions.

"Make Sukiyaki for Shiemi," Rin had written, after which he had stopped and begun staring meditatively out of the window.

"What's the matter?" asked Yukio.

"I could swear there was something else you wanted me to write, but I can't seem to remember what it was."

"Pass Exorcist exam," Yukio yelled into Rin's ear; "don't get executed."

Rin winced and added these items to his list, with a sad face at the end of each line to indicate that these were resolutions about which he was not thrilled.

"I'm heading out on a mission now," said Yukio. "No, you may not come with."

Rin had risen eagerly from his chair, but his tail drooped at the reprimand, and he slumped back down.

"I'd like to see you make some progress by the time I get back." Saying that, Yukio left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Rin sighed.

"What's the matter, Rin?"

"Yukio really is worried about me, isn't he?"

 _He is your brother, after all._

"I feel bad for making him worry so much." Rin's bangs swayed plangently in a breeze from the open window, punctuating his inner turmoil. "I don't want to die. I don't want to lose my friends. I don't want to lose Yukio."

 _I don't want you to die, either, Rin._

"Right," said Rin, assuming an air of purpose. "I'm going to get my life in order. That's a promise. I, Rin Okumura, son of Shiro Fujimoto and future Paladin, am going to do everything right, starting today."

He picked up his pencil and in a moment of inspiration made a fourth New Year's resolution.

"Do something nice for Yukio."

He put down the period at the end of the sentence with a smart tap, after which he sat back in his chair and fell asleep.

Rin dreamt that he was late for the Exorcist exam.

"Sorry I'm late," he shouted as he flung open the doors to the classroom. His classmates raised their heads from their exams and fixed Rin with a disapproving look.

"You're late," said Shura. She, too, was cold as stone, with none of the usual sassiness in her mien.

Rin reached for an exam on the desk, but Shura brought her sheathed sword down on the pile before he could grab one.

"Shura, let me have an exam," Rin pleaded.

"You're late," Shura repeated. "Exam's over."

"But everyone's still working on it," Rin gestured to his classmates. "Please help me, Shiemi… Suguro, Shima, Koneko… Izumo. Please…"

Each of his classmates averted their gaze haughtily in turn.

"You're late," said Yukio. "They'll be here for you soon."

"Who will?"

"Well, well, well."

Rin turned to behold Mephisto and Angel enter the classroom.

"You're showing your tail again," said Mephisto. "How undignified."

Angel grabbed Rin by the arm without deigning to speak to him and dragged him out of the classroom, where he thrust his knee into the back of Rin's leg and shoved him roughly to the ground. Instead of the cram school corridor, Rin found himself in the room where his first hearing had taken place.

"We are assembled here for the execution of Rin Okumura," said the judge, Timote Timowas, wig quivering with solemnity.

"What?" Rin's eyes widened. "No, please! I don't want to die."

"Sir Pheles, is there anything you would like to say before the execution takes place?"

Mephisto bowed low before the assemblage.

"From the very beginning, I've been of the opinion that Rin Okumura must be terminated. He is the spawn of Satan, and Satan is, after all, our worst enemy."

"I'm begging you!" Rin yelled. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead; his heart hammered against his ribcage. "I will defeat Satan. Give me another chance. I will do everything right this time."

"Okumura-sensei, step forward, please."

Yukio?

Rin looked up to behold Yukio standing before him, pointing his gun at the center of his brother's forehead, face devoid of emotion.

"Yukio, please, don't do this." Tears fell from his eyes. "I'm your brother."

Even as he said the words, he was sensible of the fact that Yukio was justified in holding a grudge against him. Rin had always made life difficult for his younger brother, getting himself into trouble at every chance he got and compelling the other to rescue him. Rin had been a difficult child growing up, which had had the effect of depriving Yukio of the care and attention he was entitled to. Rin cursed himself for being so selfish.

"I've been a bad brother to you, Yukio." Rin hung his head in contrition. "I am sorry."

"You killed Father," said Yukio coldly. "You are no brother of mine."

So Rin had. He remembered standing before Shiro Fujimoto with sword unsheathed. Shiro was begging him to spare his life, but Rin would not be moved. He was a demon. He raised the sword, laughing maniacally, and separated Shiro's head from his body, just as Yukio's gun went off with a bang.

Rin awoke with a start.

The sun had set. His tee shirt was soaked with sweat, and his eyes were moist.

"Rin."

Rin turned and saw Shiemi sitting on his bed. She regarded him plaintively.

"Shiemi."

"You were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you," she said.

Rin wiped his face on his shirt.

"Rin, were you crying?"

"No, of course not," said Rin, forcing a smile, though his voice betrayed him. "I must have dozed off. Shit."

"What's the matter?"

"Yukio's going to give me hell when he gets back. I was supposed to make progress on my New Year's resolutions."

"You've made New Year's resolutions?" Shiemi beamed. "Can I see?"

Rin blushingly concealed the sheet of paper with all haste, before Shiemi could see what was written on it.

"You can't," he said. "It's private."

He had written about making the best sukiyaki ever for Shiemi, which, given the circumstances, was rather an audacious thing to do.

Shieme looked disappointed at the rebuff.

"Still, it's nice that you've made New Year's resolutions."

"The long and short of it is that I've resolved to pass the Exorcist exam and not get executed."

"I can help you study!" said Shiemi.

"You would really do that for me?" Rin blushed.

"Yukio's been giving me lessons, and I'm actually getting pretty good at it."

This. Is. Awesome, thought Rin.

"Have you made any New Year's resolutions, Shiemi?" said Rin, coloring.

"As a matter of fact, I have." Shiemi smiled. "I've resolved to get stronger and become an Exorcist. I'm a drag on missions, and Yukio and you are always having to risk your lives to save me."

"You're not a drag," said Rin. "I'm the one who puts everyone at risk. I'm a demon, remember?"

"Don't you talk like that," said Shiemi sharply. "The fact that you're here, sitting and laughing with me, wanting to become a great Exorcist, talking of New Year's resolutions—it goes to show that you're just as human as any of us."

Rin blushed.

"I never really thought about it that way."

"Now what do you say we get to work?"

The vim with which Shiemi dived into the minutiae of pharmeceutics and magic circle arcana blew Rin away. He tried keeping up with Shiemi's exuberant lectures as best he could, which was more than he could have given himself credit for at any other point in the school year. Shiemi had a lucid unpretentious way of explaining the most difficult subjects that Rin thought should stand as an example to all teachers at the academy. Time seemed to fly. Three hours passed without Rin's realizing it. At the end of the lesson Shiemi was inspired to assess the results of her tutoring by means of a pop quiz.

Rin braced himself to become an exhibition of stupidity before the girl of his dreams. Shiemi endeavored to put him at ease by starting off with a simple question, to which Rin responded by emitting a series of sputters, like a toad caught under a rock.

"You're on the right track!" said Shiemi charitably.

A prod in the right direction managed to elicit the right answer at length.

The glow of pedagogical triumph that shone on Shiemi's face filled Rin with confidence, and he was surprised at how much he had retained from his lesson with her.

"There, see?" said Shiemi, satisfied that the result of the quiz was that Rin would not be executed. "You're really good at this when you focus!"

"You really think so?" said Rin, inflating like a balloon aspiring to high Heaven. "It's only because you're such a great teacher, Shiemi."

"It's all thanks to Yukio," she said modestly. "It stands to reason that you'd be smart like him, being related by blood and all that. All you want is application."

"My head hurts," said Rin. "I've never studied so much in my life."

"Let's go outside and take a walk, shall we?"

The idea greatly appealed to Rin. They walked down the cloisters of the academy in the cool winter evening, watching the city lights glimmer like stars in the distance.

"It's a nice evening, isn't it?" said Rin.

"It's beautiful."

Oh, no, thought Rin; there goes my heart.

His heart had begun racing in anticipation of a moment he knew would never come. Shiemi's answer had been plain. Still, he couldn't stop the warm flush creeping up his neck or the growing excitement in his breath.

They had reached the end of the cloister, which descended in numerous flights of stairs to the darkness below. Mephisto jokingly called this the Stairway to Heaven; and on this curiously romantic evening, when he felt full of life and walked down empty streets with Shiemi and stood at the very top of the stairs, Rin saw that the epithet was most appropriate.

"Rin," said Shiemi suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie. She was staring into the distant night, a half-smile on her lips. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Rin's chest tightened.

"Of course," he said weakly, not knowing what to expect.

"I think…" Shiemi blushed. "I think I'm in love with Yukio."

Somewhere below the sound of glass shattering rang out—in all probability the bottle of a drunk—, but Rin could have sworn it was the sound of his own heart breaking. His head reeled. For a moment he couldn't tell whether the steps in front of him were leading down or up.

Did Shiemi just confess her feelings for Yukio to him? After Rin's own confession? After all the fuss she had made about not being ready for love? Perhaps it was her daftness in matters of love that had made her believe that it was all right to say such a thing to Rin.

"Rin?"

Rin did the only thing he felt equal to in the moment. He laughed.

"Why are you laughing, Rin?"

"I'm… I'm happy for you," he said at length. He took a step back in the darkness. "I'm very happy for you."

"Really?" Shiemi smiled widely.

"Of course."

She doesn't get it, Rin realized. She doesn't get love at all.

"Anyway, Rin, what were your New Year's resolutions?"

"M-mine?" Rin laughed sheepishly. "Oh, nothing too deep. Just passing the Exorcist exam, you know? And defeating Satan."

Of course, he had his own New Year's resolutions to think about. He saw an opportunity to get Number 4 in the bag.

Shiemi emitted a squeal of delight and put her arm through Rin's, as a girl to a friend.

Rin's throat constricted, but he bore his anguish like martyr. He knew that there was no bigger thing he could do for Yukio than to sacrifice his own feelings to those of his brother's. He had terrorized Yukio since birth, as Yukio had pointed out on the first day of cram school and as he himself had realized in his dream. He owed him this much.

He was thankful for the darkness, because his eyes had welled up in spite of his best efforts at keeping a stiff upper lip.

Shiemi must not have been too daft, or perhaps Rin's lack of reponse had made her alive to the awkwardness of the whole thing, because she silently pulled her arm out of Rin's and made no effort to break the silence on the walk back.

They parted ways in front of the old male dormitories.

"Good night, Rin," said Shiemi awkwardly.

"Good night."

Rin stared after her retreating form for a moment and then forced himself to tear his eyes away. A sudden urge to make sukiyaki came over him, and he prepared two plates to take up to his dorm.

Yukio had returned.

"Something smells good," he said, with an unusual note of cheer in his voice. He gestured to the scratch paper and practice exams strewn across Rin's side of the room. "I see you've been hard at work. I asked Shiemi to come in and help you study. Say, is something the matter?"

"Nothing at all," said Rin, feigning insouciance as he shared his sukiyaki with Kuro, who—though no Shiemi—was better than nothing. "Hey, Yukio," he said at length in a hoarse whisper.

"H'm?"

"I'm sorry for giving you so much trouble."

"You haven't been crying, have you?"

"I wish I could have been a better brother to you."

Yukio said nothing for several moments; then he rose stiffly and put an arm around Rin's shoulder in the most awkward half-hug the world had ever seen. He coughed as he returned to his desk.

"I hope you don't think one productive evening means you're free to do whatever you want now. I expect you to work even harder tomorrow. I've asked Shura-san to make sure you don't get off easy. Are you even listening to me?"

Rin was grinning from ear to ear. The year had got off to a good start. He was so ready for the Exorcist exam that they might as well make him a Paladin on the spot. What's more, Yukio seemed happy for a change. For a single blissful minute he had forgotten all about his heartbreak and his New Year's resolutions, which, unbeknownst to him, had flown out of the open window and landed in a gutter, where it would be swept away by the rain the next morning.

end.

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A/N: I wasn't sure how to characterize this story exactly. It started off humorous, but devolved into a tragic tale of lost love and whatnot by the end. If you think it's crap, pretend it's postmodern or something. Also, Yukio addresses Rin by his given name here rather than as Nii-san, because it makes more sense to me that way. At least at this point.


End file.
